Renewal
strident witchery whisperings…… coarse grating windmoan… round nasty greythings…sheer and spiked….. wizardry rasping voices horrible low bass guttural….. o shit coming…… fucksssake…… notnot again……
breathing is hard dragging - I fight - I ‘m feeble- it’s useless - as they pull me below crackling surfaces to the whining chorus slowly - uselessly - I am brought down into the disgusting murk - spiky stones parade in poisonous phosphorescence and jeer in slippery ditch - muddied eel jerks into shadows – rheumy cumbersome big-flint-turtle-eye fixes me in terror and shame - a savage retching tears my stomach down to my juddering balls - I’m gonna vomit - leaden gloom - shivering panic swooned dread blackness floor scraped knees under chin sapped collapsed can’t stand it hours days weeks slowly agony drawn turns into dawn dimlight
I gaze at for I know not how long in age of tormented days is it to be glacial infinity forever staring at the curtains patterns of infernal ropes and circles and waves of insidious reds and blacks strings of eternal quivering and needles buzzing later try to stand legs collapse my legs are covered in bruises and lacerations my left hip a bruise as big as a dinner plate bunched in an envelope my breath becomes silk all around is silvery I’m rising like a cork with a huge gulp I am into shivering light as I awake the singing and dancing light bounces off jumbled surfaces all bitterness withers slowly my limbs calm
Days later with a stick I venture onto the lawn, slowly with throbbing joints, I drag into our woodland in the sunlight. I pass through avenue of silver birch with dancing and spinning leaves, a mass of silver butterflies. I sit in the summer house watching the golden koi slip through rippled crystal pond. She walks towards me across the lawn. She smiles and grins in ivory kindness. ‘Cupper tea’ she queried. ‘Please.’ She makes towards the house. My cheeks are burning. They are wet. Through throng of mellifluous bee hymn and outburst of wild bird song…. I am spring rain pouring into a crystal pool of whirling joy. I am weeping.